I have heard many times that English is the most difficult language to learn. I find it fascinating, and the above poem, sent to me by my son is just the icing on the cake. It makes writing both challenging and fulfilling as getting it right keeps us on our toes.
Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.
My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had:
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it with those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER.
There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
The photo is borrowed as well as the advice. This is powerful advice for both our husbands and ourselves and I appreciate Gerald for sharing it. I have a family friend named Gerald also that is marrying next week and I wish you; him and his wife to be all the happiness in the world.
There is a box of baking soda in my kitchen, another in my bathroom and still another in the living room. Funny thing about baking soda is that you can find it located in your detergent aisle and the food aisle of your local grocery store. Stores may or may not add tax not knowing whether to count it as a food item or a cleaning aid. Well, you be the judge:
Defined by Answer, baking soda is: ”A white crystalline compound, NaHCO3, with a slightly alkaline taste, used in making effervescent salts and beverages, artificial mineral water, pharmaceuticals, and fire extinguishers. Also called bicarbonate of soda, sodium bicarbonate.” Is there a kitchen in America that does not contain at least one box of baking soda in the cup board, fridge, under the sink, or near the stove for dousing grease fires?
According to Reader’s Digest. com and About.com baking soda is whole lot more.
1. It is a mechanical leavening agent, used to incorporate air into the batter of dough. This method depends on steam to give the food the lift it needs making our biscuits and pastry light and fluffy.
2. It creates the base that accepts a hydrogen ion from an acid. Baking soda is 9 on the PH scale, while some vinegars and lemon juice are acidic placing 2 on the PH scale. (There is science in our soda.).
3. The alkaline crystalline structure of baking soda makes it a mildly abrasive cleanser used in tooth pastes, facial cleansing, and household cleaning. It works hard at removing plaque from tooth enamel while being less abrasive than commercial teeth whiteners. Baking soda can also be made into a paste to help shine chrome, and clean the oven.
4. Leave an open box in your microwave and fridge to keep the appliances fresher and keep unpleasant odors and flavors from your foods. Just do not forget to remove the box prior to using your microwave. Replace the boxes every three months.
5. Use as an antacid by mixing ½ teaspoon baking soda in 3 to 4 oz. of warm water. Drink.
6. Add ¼ cup of baking soda to 1 quart of warm water and clean pool toys without worrying about a harmful soapy residue remaining on the toys.
7. To aid in cleaning your barbecue grills use 3 parts baking soda to 1 pint warm water.
8. To clean drains pour ½ box of baking soda down the drain, follow with white vinegar. After the foam settles, repeat.
9. To sooth tired feet and improve dryness or eczema soak for ½ hour in warm water and baking soda.
10. To relieve sinus infection add a dash of salt, a dash of baking soda and one tablespoon warm water and squirt into the nasal passages. Please do not disregard your doctor’s advice or consider this tip to be meant as medical counsel.
11. Form a paste with baking soda and warm water to apply to bee, mosquito, and wasp stings.
12. When cooking dried beans, add ½ teaspoon to water to get rid of gases caused by carbon dioxide.
13. Add ½ cup baking soda to your wash load and boost your detergents cleaning power.
14. Remove hard water stains from your car’s chrome.
15. Use in a pinch as a deodorant.
16. Reduce swelling from swollen eyelids by creating compresses with warm water and baking soda. Leave on eyes for ½ hour.
17. Scatter over kitty litter or carpet to neutralize odors.
18. Help eliminate urine odors from furniture left by pets and children. Pour directly on the spot and allow it to absorb as much of the moisture as possible. Remove loose powder and use clean powder to scrub the area.
19. Clean daily wear contacts.
20. Scrub your produce in a pot of cold water with 2 to 3 tablespoons baking soda with a clean wet sponge or vegetable brush. Rinse thoroughly prior to cooking.
21. Soaking your raw fish steaks or filets for about an hour prior to cooking will remove the fishy smell. Soak fish in a bowl of could water containing 1 quart of water and 2 tablespoons baking soda. Rinse fish well before cooking.
22. The acid in certain foods can be lowered with a pinch of baking soda. Adding a pinch of soda to your coffee before brewing or to tomatoes before serving is easier on the stomach.
23. Using ½ teaspoon to 3 eggs while preparing an omelet creates a fluffier omelet.
24. Baking soda can be used to substitute for yeast. An equal part of powdered vitamin C to an equal of baking soda so that the combined measurement equals to the required measurement of yeast for the recipe. There is an added bonus to this in that the dough will not need to rise prior to baking.
25. Baking soda makes a good hand cleanser to remove foul odors.
26. Soak baby’s bottles, nipples, pacifiers, bottle brushes, and caps in a bowl of warm water and ½ box of baking soda. Rinse thoroughly and dry in the morning.
27. Save money on dish washer detergent by making your own with 2 tablespoons borax and 2 tablespoons baking soda.
28. Make a past with warm water, baking soda, and salt to scrub cutting boards and counters.
29. Deodorize your dishwasher by sprinkling the bottom of your dishwasher with baking soda.
30. Add a few tablespoons baking soda to your dish water when washing dishes to aid in cutting grease.
31. Dish rags or sponges smelling foul? Soak overnight in 2 tablespoons baking soda and 2 drops of antibacterial dish detergent and 1 pint of warm water. Rinse with cool water in the morning.
32. Let your thermos sit overnight with a baking soda solution of ¼ cup baking soda to 1 quart water. Use a bottle brush to help loosen residue, before filling. Leave overnight and it should wash much easier in the morning.
33. Brew a quart of water and ¼ cup of baking soda in your coffee pot. Follow by brewing with clear water and rinsing thoroughly.
34. Cover grease stains on counter tops and stoves with baking soda then wash with wet towel or sponge.
35. To remove coffee and tea stains from your mugs, coffee pots, or tea pots fill them with 4 tablespoons baking soda to 1 cup vinegar. If you prefer, you can substitute 2 tablespoons baking soda to the juice of ½ lemon. Boil and let simmer for 5 minutes. Scrub when cool, and rinse thoroughly.
36. Deodorize your garbage cans.
37. Clean your pots and pans by simmering with a baking soda and water mixture. Rinse thoroughly and season lightly with oil.
38. Tenderize a tough cut of meat by rubbing with baking soda and placing in the fridge for three to five hours. Rinse thoroughly prior to cooking.
39. Help erase the nicks in counter tops by scrubbing a paste of baking soda and water into the areas and scrubbing.
40. Help snuff out grease fires in the kitchen. When grease becomes inflamed while cooking, usually baking soda poured directly on the flame will put the fire out. This is not meant to advise anyone to battle an uncontrollable blaze in their home. Any fire that cannot be quickly snuffed should be considered serious. Occupants should leave the area immediately and call for help.
I spend so little time online these days as work hours, a growing family and sewing are just grabbing all my time. The items I posted on my Etsey store site, I have given away so I'm not making any money. :-( , but I saw something really cute on there. This young lady is holding a sign an artist recreated and is selling there. Mama used to say we should put our brain in gear before our mouth....
Have you ever spoke quickly only to regret what came out of your mouth and wish you could take it all back? It's so easy to do that. Here's to hoping everything you say and hear is helpful to your ear.
Before you speak think:
T - Is it true? H - Is it helpful? I - Is it inspiring? N - Is it necessary? K - Is it kind?
Life is not all berries and cream, but don't you like life a little better when you get some?
This is a suggested 30 day marriage challenge found at All Pro Dad. Sometimes I come across something which is truly thought provoking and nice to share. It is actually very similar with something my youngest son shared with me a few months back and anything that can enhance our marital relationship is worth sharing:
Tell your wife she looks stunning.
Tell her why you appreciate her.
Ask how she would like helped today.
Skip making any corrections of her behavior today.
Hug her 3 times today.
Start the day with a kiss.
Buy her a card and mail it to her.
Bake, make, buy or share chocolate with her.
Have a date night.
Leave her a sweet note.
Tell her you are glad you married her.
Compliment her in front of others.
Pray for wisdom for her.
Thank her for the many things she does for your family.
Buy her a gift card to her favorite store and leave the gift card where she can see it.
Let her talk uninterrupted.
Ask for her opinion.
Dance with her to your favorite or wedding song.
Gaze lovingly at her and make sure she knows it.
Watch her choice of movie without mocking or making fun of it.
Give her some undivided attention - no games, television or cell phone distractions.
Review old photos of you and her together.
Partake in an outdoor activity together.
Plan a romantic getaway.
Bring her home her favorite dessert.
Give her the night off from all chores.
Massage her feet or neck.
Have family devotions together.
Ask her where she would like the two of you to be in 15 years.
"Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take something out. There is no love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it in your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the box full. If you take more out than you put in, the box will be empty. " - Anonymous
Have a Happy Valentine's day. May God bless your relationship with His holy love!!
First of all apologies. Believe it or not, I started this post on Thursday evening when I got in from work. My computer crashed after a few hours of waiting for my photos to upload. Then I closed it down and headed to bed. The next morning I got up an hour early so I could post before work, well even after clearing my cache, my computer was not happy. Friday night I again tried, but since I had to be to work Saturday morning at 8 a.m. I again was unsuccessful, then when I got out of work on Saturday I headed over to my kid's home to do laundry and bring my little snookums
home with me, so no use opening the lap top with her around. She returned home with her parents after church and my laptop (knock on wood) is acting normal. lol BTW these photos were in my archives from last fall. Our world looks a bit different now.
This post linked to OYGIF. I am, but even more so when Friday marks the end of the work week. He he.
"A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Wal-Mart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.. We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of the Wal-Mart. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day. Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, 'Mom let's run through the rain,' She said. 'What?' Mom asked. 'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated. 'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied. This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain..' 'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said. 'No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm. 'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?' 'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ' If God can get us through this, He can get us through anything! ' ' The entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith. 'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said. Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked. They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing. Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories every day. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN. ..
Shared from a one of my friends post placed on her Facebook page. She took it from 95.7 KJR.
"God wove a web of loveliness, of clouds and stars and birds, but made not anything at all so beautiful as words." Anna Hempstead Branch
While writing is a huge passion for me, research is too so you may find me occasionally writing about a product, service, or item I have knowledge of. I will not intentionally mislead as your and my health is a priority to me. At times I am financially compensated for information that I provide on my blogs.